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5/365 – Honeymoon!
© 2011 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. Rafael and Carlos!

5/365 – Honeymoon!


We did it.  We’re in the Dominican Republic on our Honeymoon (sponsored by Groupon).  After bring picked up late by a limo service (does a BMW SUV count as a limo?) that smelled like poopy diapers (does a poopy BMW SUV count as a limo?) and driven by a man who had to call us for directions (does a poopy BMW SUV with a illiterate driver count as a limo?) and dropeed us off at O’Hare we made it . . . well, two flights later we made it to The Dominican Republic!

For an extra 20 bucks you can upgrade to the high octaine poo smell limo!

In any case, we landed at Puerto Plata, and were greeted with RUM.  At the customs counter.  RUM!

Stamp a Visa on this!

We were driven to our one night only all inclusive resort – Be Live!  No, that’s the name of the resort, Be Live!  The resort is so so, but it was the tour of Puerto Plata that took the cake.  We were picked up by cab driver Rafael and tour guide Carlos.  These guys treated us like family, took us all around the town showing us all the sights and foot notes to Dominican history and a big grocery store . . . what?  Yeah, we drove to the largest grocery store in the North Coast of the DR?

Why?  Well, in hindsight, I know, but at the time – Megan and I felt like we were partaking a jaunt through El Mart de Wall.  It wasn’t till days later that it was brought to our attention that most Dominicans buy their goods from these small grocery stores called Bodegas.  Their transactions consist of buying only enough for a day’s worth of meals.  So a large grocery store / department store where you can buy in bulk (or normal size for us fat ass Americans) is a huge deal.


Anyway – about 4 years ago, Megan and I went on a Ghost Tour of Chicago ran by the self proclaimed Chicago historical expert Richard Crowe – he’s a walking version of 2 of the 7 deadly sins – sloth and gluttony.  Seriously.

The tour basically goes like this.  You wait outside for a gigantic tour bus to pick you up.  This Pizza the Hut like moron takes your 75 bucks.  You sit on a bus and listen to him talk about how much he hates liberals, Oprah and and healthy lifestyles all the while trying to dodge food projectiles coming form his mouth.  You learn nothing about ghosts or hauntings in Chicag0 . . . Maybe the ghost of skinny Richard Crowe.

Stop eating the ghosts so we can enjoy them.

Stop eating the ghosts so we can enjoy them.

You spend most your time being carted to various eateries and tricot shops that give Mr. Crowe some under the table money so he’ll drop us off there.  He did make a comment about the ghost of a man who jumped from the Hancock Building .  “Until recently, that was the longest free fall from a building in history,” gordo proclaimed while he gobbled his 5th Billy Goat Tavern Burger.  Then, like a master fat comedian, setting up  how fat master joke, he pauses (Richard Crowe never really pauses as you can hear his heavy breathing between bites).  Then he says, “That is until victims jumped from the Twin Towers on 9/11.”  He said it half like a punch line and half like he was mad New York stole the record from Chicago.

The main point I’m getting at is that this was the last tour I took till this one in the Dominican Republic.  The similarities?  Both guides took us on the unscheduled stops to vendors who were obviously giving kickbacks to the guide.  The difference; I learned things in the Dominican Republic, (about the amber trade and fossilized remains that inspired Jurrasic Park, Chrostopher Columbus’ stop at the Island, the founders of the Dominican revolution, Dominican phrases and culture – Richard Crowe taught me how to understand MyMouthIsFull-ese.)

Taken on the Chicago Ghost Tour? Nope. PUERTO PLATA!

The tour guide and the driver were so nice and so gracious and the its pretty understandable to be carted to souvenir shops in the DR – tourism is the DRs #1 export after sugar cane.  When Rafael, our driver, dropped off at our resort, he showed me a picture of his nephew who’s a martial arts expert in Begium.  He gave us his personal address and phone number because he wanted to cook us dinner and introduce us to his family the next time we were in Puerto Plata.  He agreed to take us to the airport the next day for our pick up to our main resort.  Our tour guide, Carlos, gave us hugs and blessed us in Spanish wishing us happiness and much love in our marriage.  At the end, he said, “Sea junto. Siempre,” which translates to “Be together.  Always.”


Rafael and Carlos!

Richard Crows would have said, “Are you going to eat that.”



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