© 2011 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. If only Al had known about Skyrim.

65/365 – Red Eyes Tamisiea

I have written 5 opening sentences to this blog post.  I have deleted 5 opening sentences to this blog post.  I have no idea what I’m doing.  I’m desperately trying to stay sane.  But in order to stay sane, I need sleep.  But sleeping, to me, will screw up my sleep schedule, giving me an increased chance to repeat last night’s fiasco.  I won’t give you a play by play – if you’re one of the two and half men who read this blog (Charlie Sheen era 2.5 men), you can guess.

The name of the show should be called 1 and .54 men.

Insomnia again.  I refuse to call my former sleep derpived nights insomnia, though.  Getting 5 or 6 hours of sleep is like being a parent of an infant.  It’s doable.  But last night?  One hour of sleep.  I tried everything to get these rat bastard eyes to stay shut.  I was just short of punching them to death when I succumbed to just plugging into the ol’ Skyrim.  I had no choice.

If only Al had known about Skyrim.

I’ve had insomnia much worse than this, though.  When I moved to New York, there was a period of two weeks where I didn’t get more than 2 hours of sleep a night.  In those two weeks I read the whole Narnia series and the intensely scary book House of Leaves – till my eyes were red.  Of course, that book SHOULD make you sleep deprived.

The subject matter alone should cause insomnia, but add in the concentration it takes to read and you'll never shut those eyes.

In any case, I’m not worried.  Last night seems isolated.  But it does happen often enough to warrant some investigation.  Especially since Megan is becoming more and more worried as these nights come and go.  In the past, a late night soda has definitely given me the sleeplessnessies (Yes, I made that up.  Put it in the urban Dictionary.  SLAM DUNK, BITCHES!)  What did I eat last night?  I did have a snack size box of strawberry nerds.  NEEERRRRRRRDS! . . .

Ask your doctor about Nerds. Side effects include explosive diarrhea, hyperactivity, nausea, irritability, short tempers, hostility, homicidal impulses, rapid loss of mental clarity, amnesia, kidney failure, diarrhea, muscle aching, weakness, tingling, cramping in the legs, inability to walk, problems sleeping, constipation, impaired muscle formation . . . nope, no insomnia. Chomp Chomp!

I just investigated Nerds and Insomnia on Google and got all search results pointing to some songwriters site.  Nope, not even attempting to open those.  But, some further research gave me some insight into what I should be more worried about: symptoms.  According to “insomnia revealed” there are 10 symptoms.  Since Megan is worried, let’s go through them to reassure her I’m fine.

1) Blurry Vision

Sorry.  I was typing on my neighbors cat.  Good thing a return space is not an indicator of time because I had a good 3 pages proving I don’t have blurry vision.  Then the computer got up and walked away .

2) Depression

I’m not sad.  I’m crying right now and asking same question over and over – “Why God?  Why?”  but I’m not depressed.  Everyone cries.  I’m human.  A sleepy sleepy human.  And how can I be depressed when I’m holding the neighbor’s cat hostage?

3) Dizziness and Nausea

Naaahhh.  I’m only throwing up because of sympathy pains for Megan’s recent gall bladder surgery.  I am, however, worried that when I do throw up I can’t hit the toilet.  Wait, that’s not a toilet.  That’s the neighbor’s cat again.

4) Dramatic Weight Loss or Gain

Well, make up your mind.  Is it gain or loss?  I literally just went from 200 to 180 since January.  That’s pretty dramatic to me.  And just five minutes ago I was at 130 . . . wait, the scale says 200 again.  Well, I’ve got a dramatic weight gain AND loss.  That’s not an insomnia symptom at all.  Whew.  probably just a tape worm . . .

5) Trouble Speaking

Good thing I’m typing and not speaking.  And anyway, this cat can’t understand me.  Meow you too, jerk!

6) Hallucinations

Now I’m starting to wonder if the neighbors really have a cat.  Am I right, Charlie Sheen?

7) Fatigue

Man, it’s really hard to catch a cat.  I’m just so tired and””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

8) Irritability

God damn-it, Cat, stop running away!

9) Tremors

This is the only tremors that Cat and I care about.  Right, Hallucination of Kevin Bacon?

10) Memory Loss

I have written 5 opening sentences to this blog post.  I have deleted 5 opening sentences to this blog post.  I have no idea what I’m doing.  I’m desperately trying to stay sane.  But in order to stay sane, I need sleep.  But sleeping, to me, will screw up my sleep sche . . . where did this cat come from?

2 Comments

  1. Posted 27 Dec ’11 at 6:31 am | Permalink

    Wow! Thank you! I continuously wanted to write on my blog something like that. Can I take a part of your post to my website?

  2. Posted 17 Dec ’11 at 10:48 am | Permalink

    i like it

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