© 2012 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. Ha ha ha!  I ruined your childhood.  Now off to a drug induced coma at Columbia College Chicago. (He was a film student there.)

102/365 – Star Sucks

I think the majority of intelligent and somewhat savvy people can say that the prequels to the Star Wars films are like sucking on slice of grapefruit injected with AIDS.  It sour, you know it’s sour, but you also know there’s something much worse deep down that you can’t quite finger.  When I first saw the Phantom Menace, I was speechless.  I didn’t like it, but it was such a cluster-fuck, I had a real hard time pinpointed  (beyond bad casting and acting) what the problem was.

Ha ha ha! I ruined your childhood. Now off to a drug induced coma at Columbia College Chicago. (He was a film student there.)

I just knew it wasn’t a good movie.  I wanted more – the whole damn world did – but many, like me, suddenly lost all of the critical minds and just couldn’t point it out.  I think m any of us went into major denial – refusing to believe that this was an actual movie produced in the name of the Star Wars universe.  We tried to pretend that it wasn’t THAT bad and that if it was, the rest of the films would make up for it.  Then, when they cam out, that denial grew and grew  – at least for me.  I would say things like, “The third one was much better than the first two.”  Which wasn’t saying anything.  I might as well have said, “Being shot in the right eye is much better than being shot in the left eye – because I have an astigmatism in my right eye.”

My brother, Patrick, is a Star Wars fanatic, and I even saw him take this slow progression into madness.  A madness where the crazies all get lobotomies that remove critical thinking.  We’d point out cool light saber battles and cool Jedi moves and cool vehicles – but never once mentioning the story. Anything positive was equated with the design.  I once had an argument with an ex’s brother-in-law about the Star Wars movies.  He insisted that George Lucas was a genius and the films were a success because he was able to create this ever expanding world with incredible environments.  First, George Lucas had the ideas, his crew made them real.  Second – who cares?  Pretty backgrounds mean nothing without emotions and real conflict.  Look at any Renaissance painting and you can see that even those still paintings have more emotion in them than Anakin Skywalker’s robotic hand.   We all know, though, that George Lucas was pretty much a computer art designer and had no right directing or even writing a film.  His idea of emotion and tension are built from zeros and ones.

Patrick is like a dead Jedi, looking over the world. He should know when things suck.

Why are you harping on such a dead topic, Timmy?  Well, here we go . . .

I was introduced to Red Letter Media about 2 years ago  – and saw an 80 minute review of the Phantom Menace.  It was amazing.  Today, however, I just watched his review of Attack of the Clones today and realized, like I did back when I watch the first review, that this guy wasn’t just funny, he was intensly intelligent in his breakdown of why and how George Lucas screwed up the most higly anticipated trilogy in the history of film.  His reviews are so poignent and yet hs is able to throw in humor that really helps wash down and otherwise sad detailing of these films.  He was able to say everything we couldn’t.

So, I give you part one of a 7 part review of The Phantom Menace.  Make sure to watch all 3 films reviews.  It’s intensely entertaining and would make any film buff cheer for his analysis.

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