© 2012 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. dr-jesus-e-mata-c_2

138/365 – Tooth Loss

I’m in midway airport. Waiting for my flight to LA. Megan and I tried to spend as much time together as we could before I left. I think we are both avoided the subject of being away from each other for awhile – but last night we did a good job of getting the fear out so we could rally for each other.  We would talk about the actual fact that I was leaving, but not the consequences – meaning, this will be hard.  Of course, the last time I was away from her this long, I realized she was the girl I wanted to marry.  So, I do believe that distance does make the heart grow fonder.  But, I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t bother me.

Just this past Monday, my co-workers and I were talking about dreams. I never remember my dreams.  I just don’t.  The ones I do remember always seem to be about losing my teeth.  Either they are falling out or crumbling or cracking — It’s an awful realistic nightmare and is usually accompanied by stressful periods in my life.  I had one the just last week that I totally forgot about.  It’s hard to reconcile these dreams because I know what the signify — which I’ll get to in a moment.

When my brother passed away, I had many restless nights and lots of dreams about tooth loss.  I was ready to drop out of school — ready to give up a lot of things because I felt that my life was in too much flux.  The dreams just left me with more anxiety.  To make things worse, I was at a point in my life where I didn’t cry.  I am still kind of there. Unless I was drunk, I just couldn’t muster up tears.  It was in the middle of this chaos that I was given an assignment for my class, Short Forms.  We were to make a biographical short film using no more than 10 still images.  We could incorporate music and text if needed, but that was it.

So, there I was, in my bedroom trying to figure out what I was going to do.  I had my 10 pictures and the basic story; I wanted to tell the story of my bad luck with chipping my front tooth.  (5 times over 27 years — now 6.)  I started piecing together the pictures and the music and the text but I felt kike I was just phoning the film in.

Then it happened. Something just clicked. I realized that I wasn’t trying to tell the story of my teeth being chipped at all.  There was another story developing and it was something completely different.  I entered into this cathartic fury of editing.  When I was done at 3am, I watched the film . . . and for the first time since my brother had died, I cried.  Not an overdramatic, Hollywood cry. Just a real, simple, very honest cry.  I remember calling Megan but she was sleeping and too out of it so I just took that moment to be with myself.

This is the film . . .

That’s the first time I’ve shared that publicly, and for a comedy blog, it’s not very funny.  So I apologize.  Sometimes you have to share these things with the world. With tooth loss dreams and stress, I thought I’d share where these dreams originate.  In relation to the beginning of this post, I had this dream again, and I’m sure it’s part of the process of leaving for 6 weeks.  I’ll miss my wife while I’m gone, but I also know that we’ll be fine.  So, with that out in the open, no more tooth loss dreams — one is enough.  We’ll be okay and because of Steve Jobs and FaceTime on our Macs, we’ll be able to talk and SEE each other. Crazy.

My flight is boarding.  I will continue to keep up this blog and continue to keep it light.  Just wanted to get this out . . . Talk to you all tomorrow when I write about hippos with Aspergers!

He loves video games but won't let you touch him.

One Comment

  1. ann etienne
    Posted 17 Feb ’12 at 5:48 pm | Permalink

    Timmy, I remember the day that my ring broke your tooth.. it was December 23 and you did not want to wear your dress clothes to Grandma’s.Christmas party. you never want to stress or sass you mom two days before Christmas:) I am sorry I did not pass the crying gene to you.. because as you know I have it in a big way… this was a beautiful and poingnant film… I am sitting at my desk in a puddle of tears.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>