© 2012 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. You want to make a movie.  I want to store you in my freezer.  We all win!

158/365 – First Impressions

When I looked at the bulletin board for today’s speaker, it said our speaker would be Vance Van Petton – President of the PGA.  Now, I’m sure I am not alone when I say, I thought the president of the Pro Golfers Association would be speaking with us. Well, I’m sure I am alone in terms of all the filmmakers in the world.  All non-filmakers, stand on my side of the line.

That’s a boom pole he’s holding, right?

PGA stands for Producers Guild of America. Wow!  Thank god I didn’t wear my plaid pants and my Tiger Wood t-shirt. Actually, thank god I never wear those. In fact, if I ever – EVER put on anything remotely close to a golf uniform, stone me.  Just cast those stones.  As far as I’m concerned, I committed the first sin, so just do it.

Mr. Van Petton was a pretty cool dude. A blunt straight shooter who has no room for coddling.  He wanted us all to think of two words that best describe ourselves and then use them as a motivator for an introduction — a sort of goal in getting that first impression across to someone.  He wanted the two words to be interesting, dynamic and super descriptive. Motivated Listener would not cut it.  Either would Mad Rapist or Psycho Serial-Killer. Well, actually, here in Hollywood, those might pass as description that evoke good producers.

You want to make a movie. We want to store you in our freezer. We all win!

For the first time in my life, I was just stone blank.  I couldn’t think of two words to save my life. Stupid Idiot?  Yeah, that would have been fine.  Freakish Mongrel?  Okay, I’ll buy that.  What I did come up with was awful — Dancing Motor . . . DANCING? MOTOR?  Dancing Motor . . . because I am a machine and can move quickly. Ugh.

American Gladiators introduces Dancing Motor!

I went second in testing my introduction on him.  He said I went too long and was starting to lose him . . then he found out I was an actor and a writer which was not a surprise.  Actors will sit in a room, talk for three hours, the conversation will be stimulating and they’ll have reached a few conclusions.  Writers will sit in a room, talk for and hour and a half, and nothing get resolved.  Producers, though, will sit in a room and succinctly solve their problem in 30 minutes. I have a lot to learn as a producer.

As soon as I was done, I came up with some doozies. Always after the fact, Tamisiea. Always. As each idea sprouted in my head, another one took it’s place. A fruitful fern of thought was quickly growing in my head. I went from SCOTTISH MASCOT to SKETCHY MASCOT to SWISS ARMY MASCOT.  All better than Dancing Motor.

In any case, the exercise was invaluable. Mr. Van Petton gave us fantastic hints on how to use our body language in meetings and pitches. How to present ourselves . . . like, for instance, where women can wear makeup or jewelry to accent themselves, men cannot.  The alternative?  Watches.  Watches are a way to show sophistication or, depending on the style of the watch, any number of qualities. Megan’s given me two watches in the past two years and each one says something different.  One is the hip, relaxed writer watch and one is the classy, modern producer watch.

Now, I need to just find a GIVE ME A JOB I’M HUNGRY watch. I hear their in high demand.

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