© 2012 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. Tommys-Original-Double-Chili-Cheese-Burger

174/365 – Exit Interview

Let me give you a recipe for disaster when it comes to preparing for an exit interview.

1)  The night before, eat at Tommy’s Burgers on Sunset and Bronson.  Order the regular cheeseburger.  No need to ask for extra grease, there’s oil enough in the Chili they liberally lather on that patty to make the Gulf Coast oil spill look like a teenage kids face.

There’s a burger in there somewhere.

2) Next, get up early and don’t eat anything.  Just let that Tommy burger dictate your bowel movements.

My bowel movement is like Kim Jung Il. So meaty.

 

3) Now, go to your last Semester in LA class.  When they bring you two boxes of gourmet donuts, refuse  . . . and then secretly eat a toasted coconut.  Now your cooking with gas . . . and grease . . . and sugar . . . fat ass.

Where’s Timmy? Oh, there he is.

4) When the TA comes in with a breakfast croissant that your teacher didn’t want, wait 10 minutes and then swipe that mother up.  Eat it fast and suck up that american cheese slice . . . so process-y.  Hear that grumble?  That’s death teleporting into your lower intestine.

Please let me out. I don;t want to die in this Tommy Burger/Donut/Croissant Mess . . .

5) Okay, let that settle with a nice cup of coffee.  That should give it the churn it needs.

Liar!

6) Go to your Exit Interview and listen to them tell you that they think you’re an unbelievable writer but may not have the stamina to be an executive.  Also, you’d make a great teacher.  Let them tell you that you you are a comedy writer and need to get some spec scripts written.  All the while, keep that glazed look on your face.  The one that’s actually a food coma but looks like disinterest and fear.  When they call you out on it, blame Tommy.

It looks freshly made, but that jack ass burger’s been planing this coup for years.

7) Now that you’re your done, indulge in three slices of oily mushroom pizza from Village pizza.  Now your doing it.  You’re almost to the finish line, BIG guy.  Emphasis on BIG.

I’ll take the two demon horns and the goat-tee slices please.

8) Now for the real EXIT interview . . . Go home and evacuate your stomach and reminisce on the past year and all the hard work you  did in staying healthy.  You made it, kid.  You’re in Hollywood . . . fart . . . I hate myself.

I guess I can join the club now.

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