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224/365 – Chilltastic
© 2012 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. Don't let the box fool you.  It's full of dirty Pampers.

224/365 – Chilltastic

Drink a Miller Lite.  Then down some nasty, expired lime syrup.  Wait.  Take a shit then feed that shit to a baby.  Wait.  Let the baby take a shit in it’s diaper.  Eat the diaper with a few cups of sugar.  Shit out the diaper and then then squeeze the juice into a bottle.  Cap it up and put a label on it.  Now you have the Miller Brewing Companies awful excuse for a beer called Miller Chill.  It’s “lime” infused beer.  It doesn’t get you buzzed as much as a sugar high.

Don’t let the box fool you. It’s full of dirty Pampers.

This is the basis for the annual Chilltastic – the event brought to you by Matt Sanchez and John Durbin.  A feat of strength in monumental proportions.  Every year, These two have a NCAA Bracket contest.  When it first started, it was an open bracket.  Now it’s a duel between them and them only.  In it’s first year, there were about 14 contestants, including your’s truly — yes, athletically retarded Timmy doing a NCAA bracket.

the equivalent of me doing a bracket.

Now, it must be said that this bracket isn’t about winning.  It’s about not losing.  As points are totaled during the tournament, you are deperately hoping not to be one of the three lowest scorers.  It goes like this.  3rd to last place must drink 6 miller chills.  2nd to last place must drink 9 miller chills.  Last place has the honor of drinking 12 Miller Chills.  I think that was the rules.  I can’t quite remember.  It’s something you try to forget.

The winner?  A case of any beer they desire.  Everyone else?  No money.  No great awards.  Just the honor of not having to drink this god awful beverage.  The first year I did it, I got 2nd to last place.  I didn’t get drunk.  I got a headache.

It’s like a scene from a Rob Zombie film.

These days, John and Matt have limited it to a contest between themselves.  In May, they have a huge BBQ and the loser drinks his spoils . . . or the spoiled.  This year, Matt has made Brisket, Ribs, BBQ Chicken and Pulled Pork.  John Durbin has made a grave.  A gave full of Miller Chills.

Matt will be moving to LA this summer as well.  I hope he brings this tradition with him.  It’s always a good time . . . if you didn’t lose.



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