© 2012 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. Hey man!  Is this the crowbar/flashlight/ski-mask party?

254/365 – Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert!

There’s nothing like settling in for a night’s rest.  Getting into your PJ’s.  Turning on the TV for some last minute, mind numbing late night programing.  Opening that book you read every night for months because you can’t get past two pages without dozing off.  It’s one of my favorite parts of the day . . .

Then Megan opens the door to the stairway right outside the bedroom door, jolts back and starts snapping at me.  Like frantically snapping at me.  Continuously and in a very frantic manner.  She’s whisper-yelling, “Tim!  Tim!  Someone’s downstairs.  Get up!  They’re trying to get into the sliding door.”  Well, like an idiot, I run downstairs to apprehend the intruder . . . like I could apprehend anyone.  Look at me:

Ooooohhh. So scary.

I could strike fear into the heart of an artichoke, maybe.  I could possibly make a 4 year-old cry.  There’s a slim chance I could frighten myself using a mirror and a dark alleyway.  An intruder?  Did I think I was going to tackle the guy, take him down, and read him his rights as a citizen of stupid land?

Hey man! Is this the crowbar/flashlight/ski-mask party?

Of course, when I reached the landing, I had the profound simultaneous realizations that 1) I’m not equipped to take on an intruder and 2) Megan just heard our printer shooting out a job I started earlier that night.  Our home invasion was being perpertrated by our HP C309a Series printer . . . complete with fax, scanner, double side printing and a CD labeler; everything you need to rob a family blind . . . and print beautiful photos.

Wanted in 7 counties for aggravated assault and poor ink capacity.

See, we both had a huge amount of printing to do — 4 scripts equaling at least 400 pages.  So, before we could go to bed, we had to get these scripts printed.  Instead of sitting there, waiting for the job to finish, we left the printer running while we got ready for bed.

So the house was being attacked by HP, the Printer Bandit.  He wanted all our ink and paper . . . he’s a junky.  he’s got a real problem.

I just need another hit . . . photo black ink jet, man.  Photo black!

I couldn’t stop laughing at Megan.  Snapping her fingers at me like an errand boy.  “They’re trying to get in through the sliding door!”  Oh, that’s right . . . we don’t have a sliding door.  Duh.  This is fodder for weeks of ridicule.  I spent at least 5 minutes before bed snapping at Megan, whisper-yelling that different appliances were breaking into the house.  “Megan!  Megan!  There’s some shoes breaking into the closet!  Megan!”

So, just be on the lookout for roaming printers, Los Angeles.  I’d hate for you to be the next victim.  Meanwhile, Megan is starting a self defense course called, “Snap To It!”

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