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267/365 – Cats and Dogs, Living Together — Mass Hysteria!
© 2012 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. Yeah!  Adventure Cat!  Do it!

267/365 – Cats and Dogs, Living Together — Mass Hysteria!

If there’s one thing Los Angeles has that I haven’t seen in other cities is street adoption fairs.  We’ve seen three during our stint here in La La Land.  We’ve never really considered getting a pet till my dad announced that he wanted to give away his cat, Dusty (whom he calls Cat or Doofus).  Since then, we’ve taken the opportunity to stroll by these sidewalk cat and dog sales.

Put in a tiny sloth, dog salesman, and you got a deal!

Today, there was a little fair in the Larchmont Village area of Hollywood.  Megan and I were getting lunch between apartment viewings when she spied a bunch of doggies and kitties in cages.  There was a woman on her cell phone simultaneously yelling at the non-profit adoption organization running the event and her best friend about how cruel it was to put more than one animal in a cage.  She was crazy.  These dogs and cats were loving it.  It wasn’t like they were in cramped cages being shipped on an 18-wheeler for slaughter.  This was Megan’s first real run in with privileged lady ignorance.  She was not amused.  Maybe if Lady Diva took her D&G sunglasses off for a moment to see past her plastic nose she would have seen what a great thing these people were doing.  Megan pointed out that this is probably the same person who thinks boutique pet stores are the proper place to buy a dog or cat . . . completely unaware that these are the very places that run puppy mills.

Yo, lady!  Wanna buy my dog? . . . Fuck you, then!

There is nothing — I repeat — NOTHING that makes Megan swoon more than a kitten.  She gets all sappy and droopy and woo woo wooey.  Seriously,  I can’t even get that out of her when I dress up in my best suit.   MY BEST SUIT!

Well, I have to say, I too was taken by this little kitten with brown, white and amber fur.  It was fascinated with us — scratching through the cage to hold our fingers.  Yeah, I’m a man . . . and I melted.  Okay, the man part is debatable.  I have a penis.  So, technically, that makes me a male.  You doubt I have a penis, 16 readers.  (Numbers are up again!)  Well, obviously you’ve never seen me drunk.  When I drink, my pants suddenly don” fit” so well . . . Whatever!  Back to hairy things . . . you know what I mean, perverts.  Kittens.  This particular kitten was pretty damn adorable.  I wanted to name it Chainsaw or John McClaine or Adventure Cat.

Yeah! Adventure Cat! Do it!

Unfortunately, Megan got out a name first . . . Lieutenant Snickers.


Lieutenant Snickers.

Well, I guess if Private Snickers can pass the war course, than we can promote him.

Well, I had to find a pet of my own to name, seeing as Megan pretty much cornered the cat naming market with a nougat filled, chocolate covered military hero. Then I found my buddy.  This little Jack Russel, Beagle mix in an enclosure with 4 other dogs.  He was sprite and fun and . . . he kept licking all the other dogs balls.  So, naturally, I called him Ball Licker.  What?  You think I was going to name him Francis McDormand?  Actually, that’s pretty good . . .


Nah, Ball Licker it is.  Imagine the possibilities . . . Megan and I would get a place where Ball Licker and Lieutenant Snickers could live out their days in bliss.  Lieutenant Snickers would guard the property using the military skills it learned at West Point and the debate skills it learned at Cute Academy.  Ball Licker would fetch my electronic newspapers and . . .  find balls to lick.  Maybe we would move away and accidentally forget the two pets.  Then they would make their way to our new home, voiced by Michael Caine and Helena Bonham Carter.

Dreams are meant to come true, people.  Till then, I’ll just have to dream about Ball Licker and Lieutenant Snickers.  The pets!  Not the strippers.  Gross.



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