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320/365 – Four-Eyes
© 2012 Timmy Tamisiea. All rights reserved. 001

320/365 – Four-Eyes

For someone who has worn glasses for most of his life, I’m piss porn at the upkeep of my eyewear.  Maybe it’s because I started wearing them at 10, which never allowed me to gain the full appreciation for their real purpose.  I never really learned that adult recognition of their fragility.  While most people treat their glasses like Faberge Eggs, carrying eyeglass cases and cleaning their lenses with a microfiber cloth, I’m throwing mine on the bedside stand and wiping them clean with whatever dirty shirt I happen to be wearing.

Of course, I may have bigger problems than dirty glasses.

This inevitably leads to a deterioration of the UV coating on my lenses.  So, when people look at me, they probably think I’m a huge slob who doesn’t clean his glasses ever — all becaiuse the coating is so screwed up that the lenses look like they have awful smudges on them.

It’s not a smudge, damn-it. It’s Dumbledore! Now can we continue our conversation?

When I do take the leap and replace the lenses, it takes me a day or so to get used to the crystal clear image.  I’m so used to such flawed vision with the old glasses that seeing things so clear is like some kind of ultra sight that my mind can’t take.  It makes me dizzy and I feel like I’m in a fishbowl.

Megan has been insistent I get my glasses replaced.  Not so much for my own visual wellbeing, but because I’m starting Conan soon and she doesn’t want others to think I’m some kind of freak. . . . I can’t really argue with her.  When I look at myself in the mirror, the weird multi-colored glare in my right lens is distracting.  Megan is afraid that when I’m discussing something important WITH someone important, the flaw in my lens will be too damn distracting.  Like talking to someone who has a booger dangling from their nose.  Or the AWFUL time I was taking a summer course at the University of Nebraska at Omaha and my Abnormal Psych teacher  forgot she was having her period . . . and she kept sitting on her desk with her legs spread eagle.  I took no notes that day.  I just stared at the text book and pleaded with God to make the class end.

Of course, this was what I was staring at, so I was starting to think I was the crazy one.

Well, with Megan’s vision insurance, I have run out of excuses.  I took the leap, got an eye exam and bought a pair of new glasses.  I had to.  Between Megan’s insistance (nagging?) and the prepertual smudge in my right eye, I had to do this.  Here, the frames I bought:

Serial Killer? Or unkempt hipster? YOU DECIDE!

They won’t arrive for 10 business days, so Conan and the writer’s room are going to have to deal with Timmy Smudge Eye for a few weeks before I look somewhat presentable. . .  Now If i could only remember to put on deodorant every morning.


One Comment

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